when the skies overfill with hope
I wish I could be there with you
I heard a voice waving at me
like it was singing from the tub
but it was only your ghost
and I nod and wake up to the wind
howling snow at me
as fish
flop on the dock, and Uncle
Bob cracks jokes and
I wish I was the person you loved
.
12 comments:
you've changed this one. how come? do you still have the first?
xo
erin
I guess I wanted more emphasis on tyring to cheer someone up than experience hope. But the hope doesnt sound bad to me. IT was kind of this way at first but changed a lot especially the middle:
when the skies overfill with hope
I wish I could be there with you
I heard a voice waving to me
singing like it was in the tub but it's only your ghost
and I nod and wake up to the wind
howling snow at me but fish still
flop on the dock, and uncle
Bob's still cracking jokes and
I wish I was the person you loved
I cant really say I know what im doing but just going with the flow so it could change again!Thanks for visiting again and the interest! :)
hi again erin, what i learned is that the title can have a few meanings.
i like that. the poem seems more interesting to me now. Im glad you showed up. That was fun :)
i'm partial to this first one. somehow it is more real/believable to me. i have to say the voice sounds very familiar, especially the last three/four lines. guess that's why your poetry is speaking to me so today. it's really quite wonderful. it's as free as you claim to be. that you say you don't know what you're doing makes it all the more remarkable.
xo
erin
to me poetry is a little like painting, there are so may different types and ways to paint.
i like to mix around the words and play with them . i wish i had more vocab skills and try to read when i can to improve that. music i like because it makes me feel other worldly and i love discovering and that there are no words but the notes and scale and common patterns are somewhat language li9ke and you have the minor major happy sad element too.
Your poetry inspires me and is amazing. i think i write for two main reasons both selfish, to put myself out there and see if anyone relates to what i say kind of and to make me feel better in that i like any creative process and feeling that i have made something.
as far as me goes the happy and sad of life are freaking me out. im not looking for an escape but i do wonder about having a soulmate close by and think that would be nice to try and work through the emotions together. being alone is kind of cool too but i think people can be alone together in a way and have the best of both worlds! maybe that sounds contrdictory. I have been pretty much a loner and tend to want to rest and hibernate after being with people.I dont have a lot of experience with relationships but think two loner type people might be able to make it somehow. Im open to anyhing though and dont know what tomorrow might bring good or bad but just figure knowing myself that that would be the most likely to survive in the long run if that makes sense.
xo
oh.
Strange feeling I get from this. A kind of longing, mixes with confusion and perhaps frustration. Juxtaposing wistful thoughts with banality? Perhaps a sense of futility? Anyways, found it interesting.
hi Anna :D
hi eudaimoniac, this could be thought of as an identity crisis poem. thanks for th e comments :)
I see your point, the brush strokes in painting can be seen in varying perspectives, but still coming from the same artist.
I hear your hopeful romantic side here.
It's nice to read that part of you that makes you the artist that you are. =)
Beautiful lines...can i wish also? i wish am that gal ,she's so lucky! Joke! More blessings friend!
It is so amazing that the subtlest changes in words can change all the meaning of the sentence. Isn't language amazing! Why isn't the whole world playing poetry?
Regardless, both pieces speak to me differently. There are pieces in both that I like. Mainly, I like the first piece written until the tub, and then I like the changed one up until the end.
That is rather general, but you get the gist.
Both pieces are briljant on their own and, despite being so similar, both feel very different.
hi pbb, thanks for the nice comment!all the arts have similarities. with music you know exactly what you have to practice but often cant do it physically without the long hours of training fingers to coordinate and thecreation is a search/discovery process where in writing i suppose the practice isanything you write or read. painting is what you see and feel expressesd with marks instead of words i suppose, and there is some skill to be worked out and knowledge about color, i know this is lame explanation but itsreally interesting comparing them to me. my weakness is vocabulary, the almost hard words are really important I think really unfamiliar ones are ok to sprinkle. writing is still feeling new to me, i think music has the most raw power, and i know it the best of all of them. music is the language i understand the most on a personal level... think<3
hi angel, ha, thanks i understand the joke, finding the right person can end up not working out , there is that problem but i think that as i get older i understand more and more about myself. i like to fix things and enjoy improving and understanding and finding creating unusual solutions to problems. having cars a houseand yard things are always happening and need attention. i enjoy learning and doing/fixing things slowly around the house probably more than vacations and going out!:)
keda,thats so funny, i put tub in there because it souded/felt wrong on one level but that somehow made it right. it fit better than shower to me. yes, also two people can read the same line but not see the same thing, that is cool to realize there is always room for learning.sometimes i dont see all the meanings and yes, changing one word can change everything.
thanks for looking at them nd the thoughtful comment! :)
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