Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Crying with a sense of human

crying because youre happy again
that you know who you are

9 comments:

Rajat said...

Woops are those tears of happiness.....

rivercat said...

generally speaking yes, but the tears were not only about my feelings about remembering who i am ..maybe half were. The rest were tears crying along with others for all the reasons people cry and also crying at the anger and misunderstandins in general.

It was funny how all the sudden my feeling went from wondering if i was a good person to knowing i was and then crying with the whole world in a says. I would say it was one of the most powerful personal experiences Ive ever had.

Rajat said...

I have felt that I have been there.. those tears were frozen for long time and when they flowed have washed away the pain inside

rivercat said...

it does feel liberating
I rather like the idea of keeping just a tiny touch of sadness in my happiness
and perhaps always a touch...
just a touch , of laughter in pain


i hope you dont find that to be too weird lol

zonedin said...

I think the only way to recognize happiness is to know sadness and visa versa. I love to hear of your liberation;~)

rivercat said...

hi zone
i admit i was in a rough patch.Imnot sure if you had noticed that ihad been not really been living but more in a permanent irritated/depressed/horrified cycle ..but it couldnt have happened had i not been suffering somuch. If anyone else feels like a miserable wretch as i did, perhaps my transformation can offer some real hope. I had been stigmatized unfairly and I internaslized the name calling and meanspirited remarks. I fear its not n uncommon thing...

zonedin said...

Hey Rivercat,
I don't believe it is uncommon. My irritated/depressed/horrified cycle is all internalized, because if you see me in the flesh now you would think I was happy, but I am not. I was yesterday, but not today... though noone but who reads this will ever know and then I will cycle back with something that makes me feel happy again for a bit.

It makes me happy to share words, learn and laugh.. these things cycle me back, because a social free-spirit is who I am.

rivercat said...

yes, i know what you mean. One thing i noticed that was alarming a bit was that feeling ok or even happy, you still have to be careful what you say. I was on a high horse yesterday and said to someone, "why say that, isnt that just being negative" well, what they said was perfectly normal and I probably should have just smiled instead and then said something. This person is a friend. Im not going out with anyone right now...
I was at a much worse place recently than swinging between happy and being a bit down...and its a good thing I got out because that is not a place for anyone to stay in for an extended period of time!

zonedin said...

Oh so glad you got out....there are some danger zones I get myself into. I know getting out is all on me to escape, but it's my friends who toss me the line and an occasional tug. Have a nice day! ;-)