Friday, March 4, 2011

Reunited With The Sea And Night





 And
  as we stood together
   I  marveled at her

     Envious of the skin that felt her tears
     and the shadows that would always touch her

     And as she turned
     and walked away
     I suddenly remembered
      what loneliness was.
             .

.



.

26 comments:

roseanna2u said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaleidoscope Girl said...

Beautiful. The ending is poignant and I think this is an emotion most can relate to.

bhavin said...

very nice!

Diablesse said...

So beautiful. I'm a huge fan of this writing style, I myself try my best :)
but wow

InvisibleDisorderedOne said...

Thanks for stumbling upon my blog and thanks for the suggestion. I may do that once I finish the ABC.

Psycho Babbling Basher said...

This is so sad, touches the heart.

roseanna2u said...

I know how much it can hurt. The way you express it is so lovely though. <3

dead-girl said...

well written it's sad. can feel the sadness.

kerrod said...

this has happened to me before. it was as though the world was ripped out from beneath my feet.

a great way to end my sunday. thankyou.

rivercat said...

roseanna2u,kerrod,dead,psycho,bhavin, diablesse,Kaleid,invisible ( hey i see you!) thanks for the comments.

Heres my promise since this was a little depressing, I'll use it as motivation to come up with something upbeat tonight or tomorrow. This was actually thinking about my first long term relationship awhile ago( is a year considered long?) and how i still remember that night we didn't walk home together.
I still feel that but its not so bad, more of something to write about

haze said...

aww... this is so beautiful..
and heartbreaking... (in a nice way)♥

zonedin said...

It's very pretty...I like the "envious of the skin that felt her tears and the shadow that could always touch her" These are ideas that I would never think anyone ever thought about me so they hit you like a big fat "WOW"

rivercat said...

those are the next lovers and the obsession- a double meaning thing. When I was real young it was more disturbing than now and different. They day after youd break up with someone thered be the dude you thought was a moron making out with her at a party and you had to make like it was no big deal.

I wish i had more time to change the words and look before posting.now i think it would be better to say "and the shadows that would always touch her" so i changed it. do you agree?

margg. said...

i think, we all have moments like this.

Brittany said...

Turn around and come back to me.

zonedin said...

Yes, I think that is better if that is what you meant by it. The first version, I was only thinking of her shadow touching her and her tears touching her own skin. But now I can even picture her tears touching someone else's skin.

rivercat said...

ok for both how about just "shadows"

I remember in design class the professor always sais "when in doubt, leave it out" I guess that can
apply to poetry as well.

zonedin said...

Now I see shadows of trees touching her. I don't know if that's what you meant, but that is just my perception.

rivercat said...

yes, the quesiton is touch or touched now.
I know this is getting rediculous but its a lot of fun thinking this much about one or two phrases and changing the meanings. How does it read now to you, better or worse?

zonedin said...

Now it sounds like the potential shadows of whatever that might get to touch her;~)

rivercat said...

it is done. In the end, a compromise of sound, tense and meanings. Thanks for helping zoned :)

zonedin said...

Ok, the always is a pretty strong word...shadows might touch her but maybe not always. She might remain in the full sun on her own.

rivercat said...

i think i know what youre saying. yes she can be an independent woman sometimes in reality :) ...it just sounded like it wanted to stay,and the noon sun creates small dark shadows somewhere or doesnt it? anyhow the meaning is really just of the former lover being imagined about being itimate with known and unknowable faces .. when youre under the influence and in withdrawal at the same time and totally insane to boot,the picture can be of the lost love being constantly devoured by incubi and sucubi and everyone you know and dont know in a forever orgy of some kind created by the imagination sensev of loss and despair...that is the type of always i was thinking about - the distorted and extreme exaggerations of the mind under the stress of deep loss :D

zonedin said...

Now the shadows take on a whole new meaning for me. Thank you for the insight;~) It's a pretty and heartfelt poem.

rivercat said...

Thanks zoned :))

juniper said...

gosh this is full of heartache and hurt and an exquisite love. sometimes, we're never more alone than when we're with the person we love, unable to connect to them or show them how much you need them, want them.

again, reiterating that I LOVE YOUR BLOG.